Patong Club Scene

Do you have problems finding the right area in Patong to get your party started? I am only speaking about the club scene in Patong...nothing else...kinda. I have broken down the club scene for you becuase believe it or not---Thailnad can get a bit confusing.

Patong’s image has been a little seedy as its major claim to fame was being Phuket’s infamous ‘naughty area’. However, in recent years, Patong has shown a marked transformation and not only evolved into an ultra-hip night spot, it has also become a family-friendly area…ok, that was strenching the truth a bit.

During the day, Patong is backed with frenzied shoppers and fat farangs overstuffed in tiny black speedos, cooking themselves with SP15. As their sun blisters increase and night approaches, Patong lights up like the Vegas strip and Thais and expats loosen their belts (I mean ties) and head for their favourite watering holes. Later you'll see them soaking up the disco beats in Club Banana or bar-hopping along Bangla Road.

Most of the more popular night spots are concentrated along the neon-lit Soi Bangla, the most famous spot in Patong. Along Bangla, there are a number of side sois (streets) that are overflowing with bars, pool halls and small hut-style drinking spots. But the main action takes place on Soi Bangla.

One of the busiest clubs on Bangla Road is Tiger Disco. As you enter Tiger, you will be slightly taken aback by the crouching tigers that stand guard at the clubs entrance. The club has two levels of fun; the downstairs area has a rustic cave design and has a slew of smaller bars filling every nook and cranny. The upper section houses a disco, which is also packed full of enthusiastic clubbers.

Undeniably, one of the most colourful areas along Bangla is Soi Crocodile, also known as Soi Katoey. Along Soi Crocodile, katoeys (lady-boys) come out in full force to entice enthusiastic party revellers to their fun-filled bars.

The Beach Road is yet another area that offers quiet a few clubs that are very popular with both locals as well as the expat community. The Beach road runs along the entire length of Patong’s sandy beach. The road is chock-full of beach enthusiasts during the day--and like Soi Bangla, the Beach Road in teeming with clubbers as the sun goes down.

One of the oldest and most celebrated clubs in this ares is Banana Disco. Banana caters to an over 21 crowd who is primarily interested in dancing and not necessarily in picking up the 'best deal of the night', although that happens too. The club does have a 200 Baht cover charge which weeds out some of the 'working' young men and women.

Headbangers will want to head to Rock City. This club offers live music with semi-talented musicians covering great rock bands like Metallica and the Stones. Rock city also has a DJ and a totally cool dance floor. However, you probably will hear the band do the ever so famous...Hotel California. Who in the hell told Thai people that the Eagles were cool? What the...

Royal Paradise Complex: Gay Patong
Ok, you didn't think that I was going to leave the kids out...did you? What is a party without the gay crowd? It's a beige and flannel mess! Patong is keenly aware that the 'pink dollar' is just as spendable as the other dollars and has thus created a truly vibrant gay scene and offers a huge selection of gay clubs, go-go bars and cabaret shows. While Soi Crocodile and Soi Vegas have quite a few gay and gay-friendly clubs, the highest concentration of venues is in the Paradise complex.

My Way Cabaret is one of the hottest of the hot spots in Paradise as it is famous for its wonderful cabaret shows. My Way also has a male go-go bar that attracts both men and women who just want to have a peek or maybe a little more with one of the half naked young men on parade. Although most of the boys will more than likely go home with a male or a female, don't get attached...it is a business and they go home with clients. It is said that half of the go-go boys are straight--believe it or not.

As the sun rises, you can look out over the city that people call ‘The Pearl of the Andaman’ and decide where the next night festivities will take you...kinda like Dracular huh? Have fun and be safe!

Escape From Home: Winner of Phuket Magazine and Mom Tri's Boathouse...Short Fiction Award 2006

As the bus stopped and the passengers began filing out, Juan put on a big grin--a big goofy childish grin. He was totally enjoying his run-away adventure. I, on the other hand, was scared to death.

“How are we getting home from here?” I opened my new wallet and pulled out the twenty that Sandra had given me secretly. “We catch a cab…I don’t want to get on another bus. My butt hurts,” I said while rubbing my backside.

“Yep, my butt hurts too,” Juan said while imitating my movements as we jumped in a cab.

In the elevator I pressed the button to the ninth floor. All of the old familiarity of this place came rushing back. It wasn’t the same—but it was. I had to find a dry spot on the floor of the elevator. Urine was everywhere. Juan opted to stand in the middle of a puddle. There was also the unmistakable smell of malt liquor, the poor man’s Champagne. The smell made me come close to vomiting.

I couldn’t help but notice the writing and graffiti that was written all over the elevator walls. There was no street art on these walls, only gang symbols, curse words, ghetto poetry, and of course the listing of all the girls who gave it up; TAMIKA GIVE GOOD HEAD, IF ANYBODY WANT TO HAVE FUN CALL JACKIE.

I found myself making mental spelling corrections and wondering why these ghetto Plato authors didn’t bother taking a few seconds to check spelling. The elevator would be repainted and the messages would go up as soon as the paint dried. There would be more misspelled words and more piss to cover them.

Juan’s twisted face let me know that he felt that this place…our new home, was utterly disgusting. We both gave an exasperated sigh as we left the elevator and walked past the rat infested incinerator. Instinctively, I picked up a rock and tossed it down the hall close to the incinerator to give the rats a moment to clear a path.

Our oldest sister Regina answered the door. Her face showed that she had been crying. “Oh my God-- can’t believe it--we were so worried about you—thank God you’re alright,” she managed to say in one breath.

“What do you mean worried?” I said in a frightened tone. “How did you know we left Chicago?”

She managed to control her sobs long enough to release a few sentences, “Your school called this morning when you didn’t show up. Your father called and asked if we talked to you.”

“What time did he call?” I asked impatiently.

“Around ten.”

Regina,” I said urgently. “Where’s Mom? He could be on his way here now. We got to---”

“Sebastian,” she interrupted. “He’s already here. He got here around four. He just went across the street to get Momma from work.”

“Regina, we got to get out of here!” I began looking around. “If he finds us here he’s going to kill me!”

“Calm down, I believe you. But where are you going to go where he can’t find you?” She held my hand. “You know how he is; he won’t leave."

I sat down, I was tired and I knew that I had no choice but to wait and to face him. Regina sat next to me and whispered, “I know what he did to you. Mom said that she would go to court to get you back if she had to.”

She was trying to comfort me. But I knew that he wouldn’t let me go. Just as Regina finished her sentence, the front door opened. When I saw his face, any strength that I had left escaped me. I felt lifeless. Mom rushed over to me --tears already falling. She grabbed me and kissed me.

As she was hugging Juan, Daddy rushed over and grabbed me by the arm and jerked me into the air. He dragged me down the hallway. Mom started screaming something in the background. He opened the bathroom door and swung me in the bathroom as easily as if I were a rag doll. He turned and looked at my hysterical mother.

"I’m just going to talk to him—that’s all.” He said almost too calmly.

“No! You talk to him out here.” she demanded.

"I am going to talk to my son in private and there isn’t a damn thing that you can do about it!” He said challengingly.

"If you touch him, so help me God, I will call the police and I don’t give a damn what happens…do you understand me?”

He slowly closed the door.He stepped towards me and I scooted as far back as I could against the wall. He picked me up by one of my arms and slammed me onto the toilet seat. He didn’t have the look of a father in his face or even the monster that I had come to know. He looked at me as one would look at their enemy in battle. I was not his son, I was his opponent. He knelt down besides me and spoke to me in whispers, “What do you have to say for yourself?”

I fought back tears. Through a weakened voice I said, “I just wanted to come home.”

Still whispering, “Oh, you just wanted to come home. You didn’t care that everyone was worried about you and that you could have gotten you and your little brother killed.” He clinched his teeth, “Don’t worry…we’re going home.”

“Please Daddy,” I begged, “I want to stay with Mom—please, I won’t say anything—”

“You won’t say anything about what?” He slightly grinned. Seconds later the grin vanished and he grabbed my neck and started to squeeze. I couldn’t breathe. I tried to scream for help but I couldn’t manage a sound. I felt myself getting weaker. He placed his index finger to his lips.

“Shh,” he whispered has he loosened his grip but kept his hand around my throat. “Don’t make me do it again…understand?” I nodded.

“Now listen carefully,” he began. “And when I am finished talking, you will get up and go in there, kiss your mother, tell her that you’re sorry for all the trouble that you caused, and kiss her goodbye.” I shook my head.

“Because my boy, if you don’t—you’ll never see her again.”

I almost screamed but his look stopped me. “Come on son,” he put his lips next to my ear, “you know what I will do to your family…don’t you?” He got off his knees and took two steps back. He walked towards the door and put his hand on the knob. “We’re going now—aren’t we?” I nodded. He motioned me to come to him.

He bent down and pressed his mouth against my forehead, “Little boy, don’t make me hurt you.” He kissed my forehead, opened the door and motioned for me to leave.

"Mom,” I said quietly. “We have to go.”

She looked at me in amazement. “What?” was all she managed to say.

“I’m sorry that I ran away and got everybody upset. I’m going back to Chicago with Daddy.”“Mom, I have to go.” I hugged her and whispered in her ear, “I’ll be back.”

We walked away with my family crying loudly in the background. He didn’t even mention taking Juan. Juan’s face was both scared and relieved. He held his breath as we walked away.We didn’t speak again until we were boarding the plane.

I must have looked as if I was going to run—I think that I was. He said in a slow clear voice, “If you embarrass me…I’ll fucking kill you.”

Before we got to our street, he made that all too familiar turn towards the secret apartment. He turned off the engine. “You had me go all the way to St. Louis for your little ass! You owe me!Understand?”

He got out of the car and walked into the apartment. I followed. We went into the back room and he stood by the couch with both his hands wedged firmly against his hips. On the coffee table there was a magazine from Thailand. I looked through the magazine so many times just wishing that I was anywhere but here. On page 29, there was a picture of a boathouse, Mom Tri’s Boathouse. Whenever he was with me, my mind took me to this beautiful place where you can see the ocean and the people would smile and not hurt you.

“You better make this damn good!” he said coolly. “It better be so good that I forget all of the crap you put me through! Understand me boy?”

I walked over to the couch without saying a word. He stood immoveable as he watched. I walked over to him and took his hand. As I fought to hold back the tears I said, “I understand Daddy.”

Is Thailand Getting Fat?

We have all seen the all-too familiarsight of the oversized farang walking down the beach intiny black Speedos that leave little tothe imagination; or the robust and bouncyEuropean prominently displaying her sizeablewares. If you steal a peek at the locals you will notice the whimsical look in their eyes as theywatch these overweight foreigners cook themselves into a crimson fright. I wonder what Thai people actually think of this unattractive exhibition. One question that comes to mindis: How did they get so fat?

Thais are probably the most genetically blessed people on the planet. They seem to be able to snack all day and still remain slender. They break every American dieting rule, but still they appear to remain youthful and thin. Dr. Atkins plainly tells Americans that you canonly have a quarter of a cup of rice with your meal and only once a day. Once a day! He suggests that there are too many carbohydrates in rice and it will surely pack on the pounds.

Yet Thai people eat rice with every meal and still they remain petite. Let’s not even mention the sugar that Thais consume; from the coloured sugar water that’s served to school children, to the massive amounts of sugar that’sadded to a cup of corn…once again, Dr. Atkins would not approve.

There is something sinister going on here. What are Americans doing wrong and more importantly, what are Thais doing right?Well, Thais have been eating healthy balanced meals everyday, where as Americans took the fast-food route to chunky heaven a long time ago.

But are the days of the eternally slender Thais disappearing? Things are certainly changing in Thailand with McDonald’s, KFCs, and Burger Kings arriving all over Phuket. Many Thais are welcoming these fast food joints with open arms. They are, for all intensive purposes, walking down the proverbial “road to fatness” and could very well suffer the same fate as many Americans.

Thai newspapers report that 14% of Thai children are already obese. They are mainlyblaming western fast food joints likeMcDonald’s and KFC. It is interesting to notethat the children of the more affluent Thaifamilies make up the majority of this obesepopulation sector. Besides having the meansto buy more fast-food, this new generationspends too much time watching television andplaying video games. They do not have towork and they are not going out to play asmuch as they did in the past.

Before there was a fast-food joint onevery corner of every American street in every American city, how did the hungry American survive? What did they eat? Their eating habits were quite similar to the way most Thais dine today; they had neighbourhood diners that were not that different from the mom and pop noodle stalls that are found throughout Thailand. Americans also ate the majority of their meals at home as a family unit —something that’s almost unheard of today.

Thais have it good right now. If you are hungry at 8pm in Thailand, you can run down to any noodle stall and get a nutritious meal that is delicious and inexpensive, complete with vegetables! A hungry patron would not be limited to frozen hockey-puck patties, processed imitation potatoes and half a gallon of coke. Thais have options. But just as in America thirty years ago, more and more fast foodjoints are popping up and just like Americans, the slender people of Thailand are also susceptible to becoming the latest victims of the fast-food demons.

Phuket Town already boasts having three KFCs, two McDonald’s, and several pizza joints, and that’s not evencounting what Patong has on offer.

What happened in America is happening everywhere, only faster. And Thailand has now entered into this arena of dangerous junk food. Kentucky Fried Chicken and McDonald's are targeting the Asian market with "special" Asian influenced dishes, while Pizza Hut is spreading across the planet. Half of McDonald's' business is outside the United States.

Is Thailand getting fat? The answer is a resounding…maybe. Thailand is definitely travelling on the "fat road", and it is very conceiveable that they will follow Americans’ flabby footsteps into chunky heaven.

As we watch Phuket become more and more westernized in their music, clothing, and in many cases attitudes, is it really so far fetched to think that they will also adopt American eating habits and their blase outlook towards obesity as well?

One thing is definitely clear; the increasing Thai philosophy today is “obesity be damned.” Let the feasting begin.

Moonstruck: Thai Folklore and Traditions

Thailand: Moon, Sea and Legends by Chris Bonds

Sometimes, during the full moon, you can almost see inside the cave as the moonlight illuminates the haunting figures just a bit. Still, no one is brave enough to go in, not on a dare...not even for riches. All the locals will tell you that thousands, if not millions of bats live in the little piece of earthly hell. The bats are not the only thing dwelling in the cave; villagers are convinced that a female vampire, Langsir, has been living (so to speak) here for hundreds of years.

As legend has it, Langsir would lure hypnotized men into her lair and then suck all of the blood out of their pitiful bodies. She would then let out a blood curdling cry that would send the bats into frenzy.

Where is this...Transylvania? Well, you may be surprised to learn that this cavernous death-trap is located just a quick bat flight away in the neighbouring island of Pulau Dayang Bunting, just across the Thai border..

My childhood memories of stories told to me about the moon and stars and the strange tales of adventurers lost at sea, was unabashedly starry-eyed. The stories of the vampires and tragic werewolves had me spending many a night with the lights turned on. Luckily, these moon tales and folklores are just whimsical reminiscences of my youth.

In Thailand however, these myths and legends not only exist, but in many cases--they are revered. Countless stories have been handed down from generation to generation, some dismissed and yet some have managed to keep their mystical intrigue and have even taken their place in popular culture. There is no debate over the fact that full moons have long engrossed the imagination of man. Dating back to pagan days, the full moon has been seen as a time for healing rituals, magic and for celebrations of the "circle of life."

The moon and the stars have played a significant role in Thailand for centuries. The Mokens, the indigenous people who have frequented the islands and coastlines in the Andaman Sea for many generations, use the heavenly forces to guide them in virtually every aspect of their lives.

The Mokens or Andaman sea gypsies as they are now called-- had all but faded into obscurity as many of the new generation of Thai’s have withdrawn from the ancient beliefs and have embraced modernity and technology. The sea gypsies have steadfastly held on to their ancestral teaching and in recent years have been trust into the spotlight due to their understanding and calculation of the 2004 Tsunami.

Reportedly, the sea gypsies, who make their livelihood by catching fish with their bare hands, noticed a number of odd occurrences in the Andaman two weeks prior to the catastrophe. They claimed to have seen rare deep sea creatures along the reef area and large crabs unusually scampering about. The morning of the full moon day was the final sign for the gypsies as they watched seawater recoil grounding their boats. Wasting no time, the group ran towards the hill and remarkably, there was only one reported fatality.

The sea gypsies survived because of their close relationship with nature; the moon and their appreciation of the Andaman Sea—as their lives literally depend on their understanding and wisdom.

Besides predicting cataclysmic events, Thai’s veneration for the moon also plays a part in one of the most joyous of Thai celebrations, the Loy Krathong festival.

Loy Krathong is celebrated in Thailand during November on the day before the full moon of the 12th lunar month. The original purpose of the festival was to gain forgiveness from the water goddess for any pollution that may have occurred over the previous year. Thai people prepare small round boats or kratong made from the trunk of a banana tree and decorate it with flowers, candles and incense.

Thousands of these lovely little vessels are then sent out into the Andaman Sea, with thousands of tiny candles twinkling in the moonlight. Along with the full moon, the dramatic mountainous backdrop and the humble faces of the locals uttering prayers that the kratong will carry their sins away--- makes this festival a visual feast.

While a visit to Lipe Island in Thailand’s southern Andaman Sea may not be as festive as Loy Krathong, you at least get to share your accommodations with a spirit, ghost or some other strange incarnation. The Chao-le people (people of the sea) are not wavering in their belief that the island is filled with these supernatural beings. Just ask any local about the ghost and you will hear evidence of ghostly footprints being left in the sand during the full moon--and that's not the only thing they leave either. According to some locals, the Ha-too (ghost) frequently leave 'droppings' in the sand, especially when the moon is aglow.

Now for a few facts, the full moons are traditionally associated with insomnia and insanity; hence the terms lunatic, however, psychologists have found that there is no strong evidence for effects on human behaviour around the time of a full moon. Trying to sell this evidence to Thai people, you are almost guaranteed to come back with zero baht. To say that Thai’s are superstitious is an understatement. According to Thai folklore there’s definitely not a man on the moon—that would be much to silly, the moon is inhabited by a rabbit and its face is clearly visible in the northern hemisphere.

Are western countries any better? Absolutely not! In the West, we are raised with stories of werewolves and the power of the full Moon on romance and we buy into it…hook-line and sinker. Honestly, if a doctor, nurse or policemen tells us that the moon can alter human behaviour, we have to believe them. After all, they can’t all be wrong, can they? We’ve all heard the stories of the emergency room turning into a madhouse during the full moon. They seem to mysteriously forget that the emergency room was a madhouse at least a dozen times that month and yes, without a full moon. It’s a little crazy, but it is human nature.

The Chinese have a lovely fable that speaks of the man in the moon. As legend has it, the moon man is responsible for the destiny of lovers and unites them with an invisible, silken cord, which he ties around their waist. When their predestined time is at hand, he pulls the cords together causing the pair to meet and fall in love.

Whether it’s in the form of folklore, old-wives tales or ancient wisdom handed down throughout the generations, Thailand has a deep appreciated and respect for the moon, the sea and nature. And although some of these ‘moon legends’ are admittedly a bit hard to swallow, you have to admit they add to the charm of these warm and delightful people.